


Beneath the Surface

by Threshie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Background Case, Blankets, Castiel Can Hear Longing, Castiel is a Sweetheart, Cold, Crying Sam Winchester, Drowning, First Kiss, Fluffy Ending, Huddling For Warmth, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mouth-to-Mouth, Mutual Pining, Naked Cuddling, POV Sam Winchester, Podfic Welcome, Protective Castiel, Sam Winchester Has Self-Worth Issues, Sastiel - Freeform, Teeth Chattering, Touchy-Feely, Undressing, Wet Clothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-17
Updated: 2018-03-17
Packaged: 2019-04-01 11:28:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13997337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Threshie/pseuds/Threshie
Summary: Cas helps warm Sam up after he falls through the ice during a winter hunt, and Sam can’t hide his longing from the angel.





	Beneath the Surface

Sam was falling in slow motion. Everything that had happened so fast to lead to this moment hit a wall, and he was drifting, and it all seemed so far away. 

Where was he again? Oh, right. Michigan. Lake. Lake that was supposed to be frozen enough to walk on…

The sounds of the world were muffled away by the water, and he knew he should be alarmed that his chest hurt, but he was too numb to care. Was he drowning or freezing to death? The little locket the demon had been making off with was probably still in Sam’s hand, not that he could feel his fingers anymore to tell. Yep, there it was glinting in the light from above. 

It occurred to him that he was about to die without ever seeing Dean again. His brother was back at the motel, trying to find a more recent lead for the case and thinking they were just tracing breadcrumbs. None of them had actually expected the demon to still be at the lake where he was sighted two days back, but Cas seemed so happy when Sam asked him to drive there that it had turned into an outing. 

Dean, though… Sam’s last conversation with him was going to be a mumbled promise to bring back tacos when they were done “freezing their asses off looking for demon footprints.” Even that, Sam was too numb to regret. Hey, at least the promise made Dean smile as they left. 

The little glint of the locket, which had been strangely mesmerizing as it drifted back and forth in the frigid water, suddenly went dim. A shadow had fallen over it, and over Sam. He was pretty sure he was frozen in place, so when he turned his eyes upward, it was a surprise when they actually obeyed him. 

Above him, Castiel swam down, arms outstretched. His hair was flowing back from his face, and the trench coat streamed above him like wings, the light behind him a halo around his head. An angel, flying down to greet Sam. 

His vision was going dim, but he smiled at Cas before he went. He made Dean smile, he got to see Cas one last time…there were worse pages to leave the story open on.  


* * *

  
He woke to the smell of dust and the burn of lips against his own. How could he be this cold and still alive? Castiel was leaning over him looking stricken. His dark hair was hanging wet and messy over his forehead, blue eyes studying Sam’s own intently. Had he been doing mouth to mouth?

Before Sam could ask, his chest flared with pain and he burst into a fit of wet coughing, sitting up and spitting lake water on the floor. It was so cold that the back of his throat and nose stung with each breath, prickling like needles. Castiel’s hands were on his arms, supporting in case he slumped to the ground. Floor?

It was a floor, Sam realized, blinking watery eyes to try and see it better. The floor was cold and dirty, he concluded, and coated in a thin layer of…straw? That explained the dusty smell. They were in a barn.

“C…C-Cas,” he began. A wave of shivers washed over him then, and he was shaking so hard he couldn’t form any more words. Hugging both arms around himself, teeth chattering, he glanced around the barn and then back to Cas. Getting out of the wind chill was smart, but he was still not nearly warm enough.

“We’re safe here,” Cas promised. He peeled his wet trench coat off, tossing it aside. Next came the tie, and then he was pulling off his suit jacket and white button-down shirt. Sam would have been flustered at the sight of the angel pulling his clothes off, but he was too busy slowly slipping into shock. He should be taking his clothes off, too. They were going to huddle for warmth, right? That’s what Sam would have suggested if their roles were reversed. Not that Cas was capable of getting hypothermia, but hypothetically…

God, he was freezing. 

“Let go,” Cas said, pulling him out of his frost-bitten fantasies. The angel was gripping Sam’s arms, gently moving them down away from his sides to pull his jacket and flannel shirt off. Sam was so numb he almost hadn’t felt it. 

“S-s-sorry,” he chattered, shuddering as the air hit his bare arms. Cas’s hands were warm — so warm he leaned into the touch. Cas was only doing this to help him warm up, he reminded his half-frozen brain. Cas was just a friend, possibly more in Dean’s direction but definitely NOT in his. He didn’t have any profound bonds or anything, he was supposed to be the one with the demon blood, not the one with the angel watching over him.

There Cas was, though, calmly but quickly pulling the rest of their clothes off. Sam didn’t see where he got the blanket that was tossed out on the floor next for them to sit on, but it smelled kind of like horses. At the moment he did not care — he was hunching his shoulders and bowing his head, trying to press every inch of skin against Castiel as the angel hugged him tightly and ran warm hands over his back.

He was breathing too fast, he realized distantly, and Cas was trying to calm him down. How long had the angel been murmuring comforting things in his ear? It just seemed to fade in after awhile, like he finally warmed up enough to be able to make sense of it.

“…Should have gone before you, in case the ice was too thin,” Cas said softly. Even his breath was warm against Sam’s neck. “It’s okay, Sam. You stopped him, and we’re safe now. Relax and breathe, I won’t let you go…”

“L…l-lay down,” Sam managed, his chest aching again. He had no idea how long he’d been under the surface, but he was still alive, so it had probably felt longer than it really was. Still, he’d managed to inhale a lungful of water and black out.

“Of course,” Cas said, sounding glad to hear him speak. The angel maneuvered them down to lay on the course wool blanket, never moving more than an inch or two apart from Sam. He laid the brunette out on his back and settled down on top of him, and Sam was grateful his body was too cold to muster much reaction at the moment. Cas was touching him from head to toe, so wonderfully warm and fitting against Sam perfectly in all the right places.

Why did Cas have to be so pure-hearted? There was no way he intended this as anything but protecting Sam, helping him, taking care of him. Bringing him back safely to Dean.

It all came back to Dean. Sam was vaguely aware of Cas folding the side of the wool blanket over them. The scratchy texture was worth the way it held Castiel’s warmth even closer against him. His fingers and toes were burning as they heated back up, but not as much as his eyes burned with tears.

It all came back to Dean, and Cas deserved more than Sam, anyway.

He didn’t make a sound, but there was no hiding the way his chest shuddered. The angel must have felt it, because he was murmuring to Sam again, a hand petting over his damp hair. 

“Sam…talk to me, Sam. What’s the matter?” Cas’s voice in his ear was soothing, even with the way his heart felt so heavy.

“S…s-sorry,” he managed, voice hitching. “It’s s-stupid.” What was he doing? Was he really this pathetic, taking advantage of how kind Cas was and what a vulnerable situation they were in? He had no right to make any moves on Cas — Cas belonged to Dean. He saw how they looked at each other.

Cas started to sit up on his elbows, and Sam couldn’t help it — he hugged both arms around the angel’s waist, pulling him back down onto his chest.

“Please, I-I can’t…I’m…cold,” he sniffled. Castiel had no obligation to stay skin to skin with him, though. He’d had no choice at first, but now Sam would live if he moved away. Sam would live without him.

Guiltily, he loosened up his grip and turned his head away to one side, new tears drawing hot streaks down his face. 

“S-sorry, Cas.”

The angel did sit up, then, and Sam’s chest ached with longing to hold him close again already. He didn’t though. He moved his arms away to rest at his sides. Cas wasn’t his to hold. 

As it turned out, Cas just wanted to get a good look at Sam’s face. The brunette stared off at the blurry shapes of bales of hay across the barn floor, tears running silently down his cheeks. There was no hiding it. He didn’t have any decent excuse for crying, so he just lay there and shivered and almost wished that he was still at the bottom of the lake. It was better to be numb sometimes.

A gentle hand touched his face. Cas wiped the tears away one cheek at a time, and Sam felt the angel’s stare on him. He wished he could just sink through the floor, but Cas was still laying on top of him. Now that Sam wasn’t so bitterly cold, he was worried his body would give his feelings away long before he said anything. What he could feel felt like something he should be guilty about. 

There was nothing to say, anyway. Cas belonged to Dean. It was the perfect story, the angel and the Righteous Man, the mortal and the celestial being that pulled him from the pits of Hell. Sam’s brother and Sam’s best friend.

“Sam.” The way Cas said his name so gently hurt. Why couldn’t Sam just bury this forever? The last possible thing he wanted to do right now was to confess how he really felt, but the angel’s next words gave him no choice: “I can feel your longing, Sam.”

Of course he could. Cas could read minds and sense prayers and longings and emotions. How could Sam have ever hoped to hide from him? 

Defeated, he looked up into the angel’s blue eyes and took a steadying breath. He even mustered a small, hurt smile. 

“Don’t worry about it.” 

Cas looked so sad for him that his heart ached all over again. The angel was everything that he wanted — curiosity and compassion, courage and loyalty. Something beautiful and unique, and he didn’t even seem to know it.

“You’re longing for me,” Cas continued, resting a hand so softly against Sam’s cheek. The hunter welled up in fresh tears again, nodding.

“I-I’m longing for you,” he confirmed. There was no hiding it anymore. Maybe he’d never managed to in the first place.

For the second time that day, Castiel pressed his lips to Sam’s. This time it didn’t burn -- the touch was soft, warm.

“I’m here,” he said simply, resting his forehead against Sam’s. “If you want me.”

There was a lump in Sam’s throat that he couldn’t swallow. Why was Cas doing this to him? Did he think Sam didn’t know about Dean? Was he choosing Sam OVER Dean? God, Sam couldn’t do that to his brother.

“But what about Dean?” He sniffled. “Don’t h-hurt him. I’m not worth it, and I won’t…I won’t do that.”

“Dean?” Cas tilted his head a bit — an endearing movement, like a curious bird. “Sam…” He caressed Sam’s hair, then the side of his neck, a little flush of pink rising to his cheeks. “I love Dean, but not the way I love you.”

“Y-you love me?” Sam’s heart was pounding. Maybe he WAS still at the bottom of the lake. Maybe he was dead and this sad crush on Cas was so strong Heaven whipped up a scene with naked cuddles and warm kisses that he could replay for all of eternity. Sadder still was how okay he was with that idea…

“I, uh, I do.” The angel’s shy reply snapped him out of his guilty thoughts. Cas was blushing, fingers tentatively combing through Sam’s damp hair. He kept his gaze on Sam’s lips rather than his eyes, and as astounding as it seemed, Sam realized that Cas thought he might be rejected. Longing could just be lust…

Heaven or not, there was only one thing to do. Sam cupped the back of Castiel’s neck and pulled him down close. The kiss sure felt like Heaven, but the scratchy blanket and chill air grounded him. Cas’s hands in his hair did the opposite — he looked up at the angel leaning on his chest and felt giddy, lightheaded. 

“Me, too. I love you, too,” Sam said, breathless. Was this really happening? He’d just kissed Cas. 

“I wasn’t sure the longing was for me before,” Cas confessed. “Not until we got this close. Why didn’t you tell me?” He pulled the scratchy blanket up over them a little more. The motion was enough to remind Sam that they were both wearing nothing but the blanket, and he blushed furiously. 

“I’m sorry, Cas, I-I can’t feel longing like you can. Thought you and Dean had a thing. I can’t believe this. We’re idiots, we were both sitting around wanting the other and not saying anything!” Sam chuckled, nuzzling his face against the angel’s. Cas smiled like that was the sweetest thing he’d ever seen.

“I love you,” he said again, smoothing Sam’s hair back from his face. “How are you feeling?”

“Definitely warmer,” Sam murmured, blushing. Castiel’s gaze was intent, and he found himself weighing their options. The sane thing to do was to get dressed and drive back to the motel…but he could think of better ways to warm up, if Cas was interested. 

Cas must have felt his longing again — the angel answered that unspoken question with a long, slow kiss. Dean, Sam decided, could wait for tacos for a few more hours.

**Author's Note:**

> These two dorks are really sweet together, and I hope you enjoyed this silly fanfic. Comments and kudos always appreciated! ♥


End file.
